it's just you and me against me...

[attending_physician]

This recording does not exist.

(She’s told that more than once in the course of trying to get a hold of it.)

Someone who is not a member of the police, or affiliated with the district attorney’s office, or acting as counsel for the suspect would never be allowed into the interrogation room; especially not someone who is also a vigilante criminal and wanted by the police.

(Harleen replies more than once that she understands, but that she still needs the recording.)

She tries the commissioner, and the district attorney, but in the end the solution is much simpler. There are cracks still in the GCPD; small things can still be bought.

“I need this,” she tells the lieutenant. “I’m his doctor. I need to know exactly what I’m dealing with.”

He is sympathetic and only asks for half of what she’d expected to pay.

Two days later, a nondescript brown envelope turns up in her mailbox, containing an unlabeled DVD.



The picture quality is shit; the fact that most of the lights in the interrogation room are out certainly isn’t helping matters.

Harleen realizes why the lights are out the second before they come back on.



The question is a stupid one. She pulls a face that she’s glad no one can see.

She expected more from the Bat.



He’s talking and the Bat isn’t listening.

”They're only as good as the world allows them to be.”

“... these civilized people—they'll eat each other.”

Harleen is.



The Bat dials up the violence to avoid playing the game.

(How many bones did she break? Does anyone know?)

The Joker gives up the addresses and the Bat tears out of there like her cape is on fire.

Eventually, an officer is sent in to guard the door.

The minute he responds to the Joker’s question, Harleen knows this is going to go very badly.



The Joker steers the officer out of the room.

If she turns the volume up, she can hear shouting from down the hall, though the words remain indistinct.

And then the explosion.

Harleen turns the video off when the screaming starts.



All told, she watches the interrogation three times from start to finish. She rewinds, takes notes.

By the time the Joker’s next appointment rolls around, she feels about as prepared as she thinks she ever will.

Comments

[attending_physician]

"Well, let's see..."

She flips through her notes from the video.



"...obviously pain wasn't ever going to get the result she wanted, but was there anything the Bat could have threatened you with if you hadn't chosen to just tell her what she wanted to know?"

[manofmyword]

"Nnnnnot a thing," he says with a lazy smile.

[attending_physician]

"I suspected as much."

But some questions you just have to ask.

[manofmyword]

"Mmhm."

The smile widens to a grin.

"In faact, the only person I can think of lately who's gotten me to change my mind about not telling them something is... you."

[attending_physician]

"Well.

Don't I feel special."

She's told him this before, but there's much less sarcasm this time.

This time, she lets herself sound pleased.

[manofmyword]

"I liked the way you asked," he reminisces.

(For fun, she said. Which shows she understood him, at least a little.)

[attending_physician]

"What else could I have done?" she wonders, spreading her hands.

"Twisted your arm?"

[manofmyword]

"That would've been fun, too," he says with a smirk.

"But maybe not this much of it."

[attending_physician]

"Mother always told me to get get to know people before inflicting bodily harm."

[manofmyword]

"Smart woman. Did you have a nice mother?" he asks, curiously.

[attending_physician]

"I did, actually."

[manofmyword]

"Aww."

He smiles a small, pleased smile.

[attending_physician]

The corner of her mouth twitches.

"...sorry to disappoint."

[manofmyword]

"Oh, I'm nnot disappointed," he assures her, flashing a grin.

[attending_physician]

"Apology rescinded, then."

[manofmyword]

"What's she like?"

[attending_physician]

"She teaches high school history. She likes needlepoint and baking; she tried gardening, but she can't keep plants alive for love or money."

[manofmyword]

He perks up a little, and he was already fairly perky.

"Ooh, baking."

[attending_physician]

"Her specialty is pie," Harleen adds.

[manofmyword]

He claps his hands with glee. "I wanna meet her," he declares.

[attending_physician]

Well, that sounds like a goddamn terrible idea.

"Mom doesn't make it down to the city much," is what she says.

[manofmyword]

The Joker laughs softly.

"It's okay," he assures her, "if you just don't want me to."

[attending_physician]

Her mouth twists slightly.

"Alright, then.

I don't think I want you to."

[manofmyword]

He gives her a quizzical look.

[attending_physician]

"I don't want you to," she repeats, more firmly.





"Sorry for pussyfooting around it, but I didn't want to be rude."