it's just you and me against me...

[attending_physician]

This recording does not exist.

(She’s told that more than once in the course of trying to get a hold of it.)

Someone who is not a member of the police, or affiliated with the district attorney’s office, or acting as counsel for the suspect would never be allowed into the interrogation room; especially not someone who is also a vigilante criminal and wanted by the police.

(Harleen replies more than once that she understands, but that she still needs the recording.)

She tries the commissioner, and the district attorney, but in the end the solution is much simpler. There are cracks still in the GCPD; small things can still be bought.

“I need this,” she tells the lieutenant. “I’m his doctor. I need to know exactly what I’m dealing with.”

He is sympathetic and only asks for half of what she’d expected to pay.

Two days later, a nondescript brown envelope turns up in her mailbox, containing an unlabeled DVD.



The picture quality is shit; the fact that most of the lights in the interrogation room are out certainly isn’t helping matters.

Harleen realizes why the lights are out the second before they come back on.



The question is a stupid one. She pulls a face that she’s glad no one can see.

She expected more from the Bat.



He’s talking and the Bat isn’t listening.

”They're only as good as the world allows them to be.”

“... these civilized people—they'll eat each other.”

Harleen is.



The Bat dials up the violence to avoid playing the game.

(How many bones did she break? Does anyone know?)

The Joker gives up the addresses and the Bat tears out of there like her cape is on fire.

Eventually, an officer is sent in to guard the door.

The minute he responds to the Joker’s question, Harleen knows this is going to go very badly.



The Joker steers the officer out of the room.

If she turns the volume up, she can hear shouting from down the hall, though the words remain indistinct.

And then the explosion.

Harleen turns the video off when the screaming starts.



All told, she watches the interrogation three times from start to finish. She rewinds, takes notes.

By the time the Joker’s next appointment rolls around, she feels about as prepared as she thinks she ever will.

Comments

[manofmyword]

"What's she like?"

[attending_physician]

"She teaches high school history. She likes needlepoint and baking; she tried gardening, but she can't keep plants alive for love or money."

[manofmyword]

He perks up a little, and he was already fairly perky.

"Ooh, baking."

[attending_physician]

"Her specialty is pie," Harleen adds.

[manofmyword]

He claps his hands with glee. "I wanna meet her," he declares.

[attending_physician]

Well, that sounds like a goddamn terrible idea.

"Mom doesn't make it down to the city much," is what she says.

[manofmyword]

The Joker laughs softly.

"It's okay," he assures her, "if you just don't want me to."

[attending_physician]

Her mouth twists slightly.

"Alright, then.

I don't think I want you to."

[manofmyword]

He gives her a quizzical look.

[attending_physician]

"I don't want you to," she repeats, more firmly.





"Sorry for pussyfooting around it, but I didn't want to be rude."

[manofmyword]

"I like rude better," he says. "Generally speaking."

[attending_physician]

"I'll remember that in the future."

[manofmyword]

"Thanks a bunch," he says, and blows her a kiss.

[attending_physician]

"You're welcome" falls out of her mouth, even as what he said tugs at a memory.


"'Generally speaking' doesn't cover Officer...Stephens, does it?"

[manofmyword]

"Oh, was that his name? Well." The Joker smiles. "Different kind of thing. The part where he threw me around was fun, though."

[attending_physician]

"I gathered that," she murmurs dryly.

[manofmyword]

"What can I say." He grins; his tongue touches his lips. "I know what I like."

[attending_physician]

Harleen folds her hands.

"Tell me about what you like.

Other than violence or the Bat," she adds.

[manofmyword]

"I like... surprises," he says. "I like Freddie Mercury."

[attending_physician]

Okay. Was not expecting that one.

"What do you like about him?"

[manofmyword]

He laughs. "Everything. I snuck out to a Queen concert when I was... thirteen? And I've had a grrreat big crush on him ever since. I was so pissed off when he died of AIDS."

[attending_physician]

As if all their previous conversations hadn't been surreal enough.

"What's your favorite song?"

[manofmyword]

"You know what," he says, "I bet you can guess."

[attending_physician]

Harleen considers her options.

"...I can't decide if 'Killer Queen' is too obvious or entirely perfect."

[manofmyword]

"Ooh. Second favourite," he says, giggling. "Well, I love 'em all, really. But if I had to pick one, I'd go for Another One Bites the Dust. It's just so..." He spreads his hands helplessly and grins.